Mammary Monologues

All the ramble from my brain...

20 Years Old//

Everything you need to know about me, my boobs and my life

Have a cheeky nose round

It will all be here.
The Pink Palace…. Aka our hamsters house. I think I might have gone crazy…. 
So, Marshmallow was escaping and being very bored in her old home (ground floor), so we got her a new home (first second and third floor named ‘The Pink Palace) which has tubes and lots of fun for her!! She still was acting up a bit, so tonight I have joined her old and new homes together…. And now she lives in a true palace….

The Pink Palace…. Aka our hamsters house. I think I might have gone crazy….
So, Marshmallow was escaping and being very bored in her old home (ground floor), so we got her a new home (first second and third floor named ‘The Pink Palace) which has tubes and lots of fun for her!! She still was acting up a bit, so tonight I have joined her old and new homes together…. And now she lives in a true palace….

Sorry for the delay. Normal service with resume soon.

Soooo. Haven’t posted in ages. I did forget my password again! Ha. Remembered it now, and set up my account to my phone so I shouldn’t have many problems now!

What’s been going on? As I said in my last post I’ve moved and we are all settled now. I love my new room, it’s sooooo pretty! Ha!

I’ve also been accepted to uni! I had an audition last month and got offered the place straight away! Wa soo good! I start in September!

Me and Young Daniel also got a hamster! Her name is Marshmallow and she is adorable! We are getting her a new cage today, it’s actually called a palace, which worries me, but she is our little Princess!

I promise lots of pictures and updates soon!


The Mammary Monologues


Todays post actually contains some boob news (for you Holly Pacius, for you…)

But first, its official, I move house this Saturday, deposit and rent paid, all sorted, no going back now!
I am super duper excited, because I won’t have to live in a smelly boy house anymore

In other news my application for the theatre course i’m applying for has been sent, and every needs to have their fingers crossed for me! Thanks Then!!

I’m still doing this email blogging thing, I need to hack into my tumblr account again soon, not being able to preview posts stresses me out!! I have to HTML all the posts, and its well annoying.

In Boob Shaped news this week, my boobs have randomly gotten smaller. Dunno how, but now i dont fit into any of my bras. I swear I should get shares in most underwear brands, i’ve spent a fortune over the years.

Maybe one day eh?
The Mammary Monologues.

No Dinosaurs… But Everything Else Ever.

Its been a busy old time over the last couple of weeks.
So it turns out i can’t remember my password to the blog, so i have had to start this email thing. I email my blog post to some weird email address and then it auto-posts to my blog. BUT I can’t preview it. Which annoys me. But whatever.
So I didn’t get the Dino job. Which annoyed me. I’m tempted to just show up dressed up one day and start doing the job, because it would have been perfect. Annoyed. But, onwards and upwards, must keep looking.
I’m a bit less stressed now because I have had some luck, and ended up with some money I didn’t think i’d have, thanks to an accident i had a work a few years back and technically, I could survive without a job, but still… I’d rather have one. And with the case being settled means I can get on with any performing arts stuff again!
In other news, one of my best friends is on holibobs at the moment, and i’m covering his little shop for him while he is away sunning himself! Today while I was bored, I was cruising through the internet, and i don’t really know what possessed me but I applied to do a Theatre course in a local theatre! Its a course joined with Plymouth Uni, but all based in Bristol. Its just what i wanted really, as i wanted to train, but didn’t want to leave Bristol. I called up today, thinking applications would be closed for this year, but I have until the end of the month. So I’m all over it. I am gonna try really hard to get everything back on track!! Yay
Its now 9 days until I move to my new house. I’m currently cramped into a tiny room with my boyfriend, living out of suitcases, which is quite romantic, but also a little bit awful. I can’t wait until I have my own space in our little home. Super exciting.
Thats all for now folks.
The Mammary Monologues


So, My job at the Hippo is slowly but surely creeping up to its big old dark period of the summer, and I have been trying to find a new job. 

It got a point where I was mainly applying for ALL OF THE JOBS.

I see Jobs like this….

Human Optimization Liason

And what goes through my head?

"I don’t know what that means, or what that involves, but i’ll apply"

Sadly, Human Optimization Liason, is actually something that was made up (by this…, which is a shame, because I think i’d be quiet good at it.

Today I stumbled upon the perfect Temp job. It was from Mid-May, until September (the time I need work for, give or take a few weeks) and the official job title is (not even making anything up any more) Dino Ranger.

Basically. I would be working in Jurassic Park.

And doesn’t that look like so much FUN?

Anyway. Filled in the application today. Its a Bristol Zoo summer exhibit. Big animatronic Dinosaurs, me dressed as a Paleontologist, telling people about the Dinosaurs.


Now, i’m done being excited. I’ll get back to my pistachios, and gone off lucozade.


The Mammary Monologues.

Pinatas, Ballet and Moving House

So the last few weeks have been joyful :)

I’ve become slowly addicted to a game called Viva Pinata on the good ole’ XBox. The game is pretty simple (in fact i’m sure it is made for children). Its made my the same people that make Sims, and it has the same concept really. You get a garden, you have to make it nice and pretty and things. Then Pinatas come and visit your garden, and if they like it, they stay. But there are all kind of things these demanding Pinata want to stay in your garden. Some of them want to eat your other Pinatas, some of them want exactly 17.5 monkey nuts, some of them are evil and you have to fight them off your nice Pinatas with a spade and have to make sure all the different Pinatas are getting along and are all happy and stuffs.

IT’S INSANE. (Although, I don’t thing i’m really doing it any justice here….) But yeah, I’m addicted. Me and the boyf have spend most of our waking hours playing the game, and when i say ‘Our waking hours’, I mean, my waking hours, plus him playing it until 3am once i’ve fallen asleep… For your own saftey guys, don’t play it. (BUT DO! Its SOOOO much fun)

On Wedesday evening I went to see Matthew Bournes Nutcracker at my wonderful place of work, The Bristol Hippodrome. I had been trying to avoid seeing any of the show because I really wanted it to be a suprise for my eyes, and I managed to do so! It was everything I wanted and more. I am a HUGE Matthew Bourne fan, and i think all of his work is FABULOUS, and this version of The Nutcracker was just as fabulous as all of his other works. I had overheard a lot of customers on the two performances I worked previous to seeing the show, saying it was ‘just too contemporary’. I didn’t think much of it (and mainly thought they were ENB lovers who didn’t understand the whole ‘Bourne thing’,) until I saw it, and then I kind of understood what they all meant. As much as it is a wonderful feast for the eyes, with the wonderfully bright and exciting ‘Sweetieland’ set and costumes, the choreography wasn’t everything I was hoping for, nothing much of it was really ‘Ballet’. But saying that, it was beautiful, and the cast are a very talented bunch. I would still sit and watch it again and again. It is a truly mesmerising piece.

And last but not least the count down to Moving Day has begun. Once again, i shall fly the nest of ‘Home Sweet Mother’. I am sooo sad to be leaving Mummy, but sooo super happy and excited about having my super colour co-ordinated room, and living with my two favourite fellas :). EEEE CAN’T WAIT! :)

Much Love To Everyone

The Mammary Monologues.

Bras and Broken Feet

Its been a busy week… Lots going on! Hospitals visits, Birthdays, shopping and decision making! All on top of my normal working week.

Back to work after two weeks off, 4 days in and I end up in hospital. (Accident prone? Me? Never!) Well, for once it wasn’t my own fault! A door was opened onto my big toe, and my foot went a bit grim. Good news though. Had an XRay, Doctor said “It doesn’t look like there are any obvious fractures.” Obvious? What? Look harder. If there is a fracture, bloody well find it! Anyway, it still hurts. If it carries on i have to go back. I am coping and I can walk, and they are the main things!

In Boob-Shaped news this week, I can’t find Bras… La Senza is shut, and no where else sells a good Bra in my size. La Senza used to be an all round good underwear shop. A good range of sizes, yet pretty, and comfortable…and affordable. The only other places that sell Bras in my size are places like M&S. Awful bras. Apparently if you have big knockers, you want a Granny bra. Or just a plain tshirt bra! Underwear is meant to make you feel good. M&S underwear makes me feel old before my time. Other than that my only option is Ann Summers. Now this is the other end of the scale. Yes, Very Very Very sexy underwear…. but not practical. I dont want to have to corset up my bra in the morning, what if i’m running late? AND big boobs need SUPPORT. If i need to run, my breasts can sometimes hinder my abilities to, well, run. A bra that barely covers my nipple is hardly going to do the job! Plus, La Senza closing is just stupid! It was always busy and if Theo Paphitis is running low on money, then i think we’re all doomed…

That enough ramble for now.

The Mammary Monologues.

Mothers Day

Here it is. Mothers Day. Now, considering a year ago today me and my mum were at each others throats, this is all quite nice.

I got up at 9:30am, as i had been asigned ‘Cooking a Roast’. I was expecting a nice joint of meat in the fridge, and a fine selection of vegetables in the vegetable drawer. All lovingly collected yesterday by my Mums boyfriend (all previously planned)

Instead i wake up to my Mum looking like she might die any second, and her boyfriend no where to be seen. They went out last night. Got drunk, got home at 4am. I was tucked up in bed… So i’d be nice a fresh faced for Mothers Day…. Thats right, my 50-something old Mum, was out partying til 4am, and i was in bed well before midnight. Something is wrong!

So, at about midday Mum’s boyfriend arrives into the living room (mum is a bit more awake at this point)…

"We are going out for lunch, come on you two, go and get ready"

Turns out even a trip to Tesco, might cause him to much hungover pain.

Hope everyone is enjoying Mothers Day.

I know i am, get out of cooking a roast and i get a free dinner! Win Win situation!

Much Love

The Mammary Monolgues

When Life Gives You Lemons Make Lemonade,
When Life Gives You Melons… Motorboat.

So… Been meaning to do this for a while, a blog that is…

It will mainly be built up of all the strange things that go through my head, and maybe alleviate some of the random rambling from the people who spend a lot of time with me… (Sorry guys…)

A bit about me, just in case you’ve stumbled across me some how, without actually knowing me.

I’m Candace. I’m Twenteen. I work in Theatre (not as glam as it sounds but, still, i love it oh so very much).

After some pestering from my nearest and dearest, I have set up this blog, mainly for the giggles. You see, I’ve got big boobs, not massive, but they are reasonably sized. Some might say i’m quite well known for them..

"You know… Candace, the one with the big…"


Anyway, a lot of people say some brilliant things to me about them. I will keep you up to date with all that as well.

Have fun reading.

The Mammary Monolgues.